Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Off the Grid....Sort of.

I have been neglectful of my little blog....much has transpired. My new year's resolution has pretty much tanked, although I have kept a steady stream of books at my disposal.

Currently, I'm reading The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency. Amy Blackburn put me on to the TV series on HBO, and I fell in love. As a result of my enjoyment of the TV show, I decided to start reading the series. The setting is Botswana and the main character is Precious Ramotswe. Precious is a divorced woman whose father dies and leaves her with a large head of cattle. She sells the cattle in order to open a detective agency. The characters in this series are fabulous! Some of her cases are funny and lighthearted and some are quite suspenseful. At any rate, I am truly enjoying the series.

Earlier in the year, I lost my Addy to tick fever and anemia. I had to have her put to sleep. I was with her and it was truly the hardest thing I've ever done. My Adelaide was the truest of companions and I still miss her presence in my life. My brother brought me Lucy, a three year old chocolate lab/Chesapeake Bay Retriever. She has been a natural fit into my life, although in my absence this summer she's been quite a handful for her summer caregivers.

Mom was placed on hospice in March due to the recurrence of her cancer. She was too weak to undergo chemo again, so hospice was the only reasonable option. It has been a very slow decline. We had to move her into a private care home as it was too much for dad to care for her. At this point, she is loosing her short term memory rapidly, very confused at times, and mostly bed fast. It has been difficult to watch the decline. A woman who was once energetic and independent is now reliant on someone for all aspects of her care. She hardly seems like the woman I knew as my mom.

Presently, I am at Camp Blue Haven for the summer working on the ropes course. This has been a blessing in many ways. First, it has allowed me to stay busy and not dwell on the difficulty of mom's situation. Secondly, it has given me the chance to learn, listen to, and serve the Lord. There is no doubt in my mind that he knew I needed every second of this time here. I am blessed by daily prayer time with the other women permanent staff members.....a time to share and bear one another's burdens.

I am also being opened to the possibility of exploring some options for my life I had once fervently pursued.....I guess you might say wanderlust is settling into my bones once again. I don't know what that looks like, I only know that I am praying for the Lord to provide me with opportunities to grow and serve. Ideas are brewing in my brain, but whether those are things I need to pursue remain to be seen.

God is faithful all the time....in the calm and in the storm. It is difficult to praise him in the storm, but I am learning to thank him for the good that will come as a result of it. Thankfully, his patience is unending!


jaymie said...

Just so you know, we sure think about you a lot. I know you are such a good daughter through all of this with you mom. Irreplaceable!! Your whole family is always in our prayers.

Sarah said...

Thanks, Jaymie! Love y'all bunches!

leslee said...

so good to "hear" from you again. I am praying for you and will pray more. I think of you often and hope that you are gaining strength that you may need.
Keep us informed when you get chances to call. Love to you!!

Jenna said...

Glad to find your blog. I am sad that we didn't have more time to talk up at camp. I am really sorry to hear about your mom. We will be praying.

Happy Mama said...

Sarah, I hope you are doing well- I have had you on my heart a lot. I hope that you find the adventure and service that you are looking for. I know whatever you do, God will be at the center of it guiding you through it. I pray for you and your family as you learn to live life without one you love so much. You have been such a gift of life to our family and I pray that you will feel that love and life from all those you minister to. Love you!